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I actually think of being funny as an odd turn of mind, like a mild disability, some weird way of looking at the world that you can not get rid of.

When I was a little kid, I wrote this play about all these characters living in a haunted house. There was a witch who lived there, and a mummy. When they were all hassling him, this guy who bought the house - I can not believe I remember this - he said to them, Who's paying the mortgage on this haunted house? I thought that was really funny.

Sometimes I think what I write is funny in its quiet way.

Actually I never did stand up. I am not that funny.

The funny thing is, the girls that I am always up against for roles are pretty nice and cool, like Emma Watson. She is awesome.

I love readings and my readers, but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright, and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud, and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful, but I am annoying, and a phony.

I have thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.

I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.

No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.

Hemingway seems to be in a funny position. People nowadays can not identify with him closely as a member of their own generation, and he is not yet historical.

I think the pattern of my essays is, A funny thing happened to me on my way through Finnegans Wake.

It is funny to be a critic.

I find it so funny that people find me so interesting.

Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it is a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the funny novel is doomed.

We've seen some insane signs: Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, I will do unspeakable things. I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying!

You know what's funny? I do not ever feel the need to escape. I have a strong marriage. I like my life. You hear about these guys having midlife crises - I do not see that happening to me.

I do not really get shaken very much. People could heckle me, a spotlight could go out, I could forget a lyric... I am not operating on somebody's brain, you know what I mean? So I just think it is all funny.

Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it is funny.

Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Do not let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.

I had to act in a school play when I was about ten years old. I really did not want to do it. But everyone had to do it so I did not have a choice. A talent agent came and watched it and later gave me some work. It is funny because I do always known that I wanted a movie career. I just did not think that I would be in the movies.