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As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one friends and relatives children.

There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.

I had everything I do hoped for, but I was not being myself. So I decided to be honest about who I was. It was strange: The people who loved me for being funny suddenly did not like me for being... me.

It is funny about men and women. Men pay in cash to get them and pay in cash to get rid of them. Women pay emotionally coming and going. Neither has it easy.

A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.

I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.

My grandchildren are fabulous and funny.

Certainly there are things in life that money can not buy, but it is very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?

I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and do not care. For me, it is really about who I surround myself with, so I just try to always be with hilarious people.

Chaos in the midst of chaos is not funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.

It is a funny thing, the less people have to live for, the less nerve they have to risk losing nothing.

One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.

I do not care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I will laugh because they will probably be funny.

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it is delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it is not about you, that it is about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.

I have always believed that there are funny people everywhere, but they are just not comedians. In fact, some of my best comedic inspirations were not professional entertainers.

I thought Borat was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It was not some studio-produced script with 14 writers.

The funny thing about me that most people never really understand is that, at heart, I am really a jock.

I was a hop-around. I hung out with the rockabilly crew, the guys who were trying to be rappers, the funny kids.

I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.

Everything I buy is vintage and smells funny. Maybe that is why I do not have a boyfriend.