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Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

Campaign behavior for wives: Always be on time. Do as little talking as humanly possible. Lean back in the parade car so everybody can see the president.

Personally, I just think rap music is the best thing out there, period. If you look at my deck in my car radio, you are always going to find a hip-hop tape that is all I buy, that is all I live, that is all I listen to, that is all I love.

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car but if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

What Englishman will give his mind to politics as long as he can afford to keep a motor car?

Most people have no concept of how an automatic transmission works, yet they know how to drive a car. You do not have to study physics to understand the laws of motion to drive a car. You do not have to understand any of this stuff to use Macintosh.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it is coming.

I miss Saturday morning, rolling out of bed, not shaving, getting into my car with my girls, driving to the supermarket, squeezing the fruit, getting my car washed, taking walks.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that is what you are looking for, go live with a car battery.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it is either a new car or a new wife.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I am home now. But leave a message and I will call when I am out.

Just as your car runs more smoothly and requires less energy to go faster and farther when the wheels are in perfect alignment, you perform better when your thoughts, feelings, emotions, goals, and values are in balance.

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.

I rememeber one time we were getting ready to go to South America and everything was packed up and in the car ready to go and I hid and I was crying because I really did not want to go, I wanted to play. I did not want to go.

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.